you know whats retarted.... Metal spoons

So whose bright idea was it to make metal spoons?
I mean really? Its metal it contracts heat... so why do we eat with them??? I just do not understand

I mean, you put your spoon in a bowl of soup [if you eat soup... even though it’s too confusing for words...]
And then all of the sudden your hand is burning cuz your spoon got hot, cuz hey, it’s made of metal!

And when you’re making your herbal tea and your string it, or if you accidently leave your spoon in the tea while its seeping... don't bother picking it up... unless you want YOUR HAND TO BURN LIKE ITS ON FIRE!!!! Because your metal spoon it’s really retarded

but you know... it can get bad the other way too, lets say you’re eating ice-cream and then you get up to do something and like most sensible people you leave your spoon in your ice-cream bowl so that, your spoon doesn't get dirty... well guess what

When you come back...

YOUR HAND WILL FREEZE LIKE IT’S LOCKED IN A BLIZZARD!!!!

And your hand freezes off... it’s not a very pleasant scenario... though the coldness does feel good on the burn that you acquired earlier... it is still very painful

All because some retarded person had the bright idea to make metal spoons.... 

boys... -.-

Boys boys boys boys boys... is that all the female mind thinks about?????
UGH. As i was hanging out with one of my gal friends and some of her other friends to whom I never really got their names...I would start the conversation on a stimulating topic like books, or politics, or something respectable... but it always seemed to revert back to boys...

girl 1- like he was sooo cute and jus like cute ya know
girl 2- I knooow jus so cute but so was his friend and like oh my gosh they like looked over... do you think they were looking at me??
girl 1- no he was defiantly looking at me, oh my gosh, why didn't they ask for our numbers were cuter than anyone else there
me- so I really like Jane Austin, I particularly like her novel sense and sensibility it’s really fascinating how time period seems to--
girl 2- oh yeah like I saw that movie
me- really? that fun, they actually did a really good job on the movie it’s very much to the same plot line and I loved the movie :)
girl 2- right... well that one guy--
me- which one? all of the character development was amazing!
girl 2- I think the one that wore green most of the time, well like he was hot, espsally in comparison to the other guy... he wasn't cute at all, I don’t understand why you would cast someone who wasn’t at least a little cute ya know?
girl 1- I know riiight movies are only good with cute boys in them
girl 2-boysboysboysboysboysboys
me- well I hear president Obama is planning--
girl 1- like I think he's cuteish, that’s the only reason he won cuz he's like kinda cute ya know that’s why I voted for him. but you know who’s really cute?
me-........

my friend just giggled as I tried to get the conversation past some shallow point of nothingness...
it seems that all females always think of males... I don’t understand
yeah they can be cute, funny, sweet, make you feel better
over all they are good
but they can also be mean, rude, and immature
and more often than not they smell funny... and they leave the toleit seat up and get water on the sink counter and can get in the way and dont understand whats going on, they do tend to be oblivious...

 they also get mad when girls talk about cramping and complain that girls at some point if they want a family have to deal with pregnancy and child birth... how is a boy gonna get mad at that? I don’t see them pushing something the size of a watermelon through a whole the size of their nose in order to understand better.

some boys even get cocky about how they have kidney stones which can be just as painful.... what are they stupid? girls have kidneys too, they can get kidney stones too infect you just proved the girls points better, girls have child birth/pregnancy, a monthly thing, and kidney stones :p
but guys still complain...

even after all that all girls seem to really think about or care about is boys... boysboysboysboysboysboys
"he's so cute" "is my makeup okay, cuz I’m seein a boy later"

...for girls like me, who is more interesting in friendship rather than trying to seduce the teenage male mind into a date or something, these conversations can get annoying...

and when people like myself [whom are seemingly hard to find] voice their opinion everyone just looks at you like "WHHHHAAAAAT ARE YOU TALKIN BOUT.... he was just like soo cute ya know" -.-

Costume Nazi Part 2

Being in costumes I am than in charge of dressing all those in the musical, we are doing Little Woman so this is in the Civil War time period, so I did research as to what kind of costumes to look for; to make; to take in or adjust. So now I know the time period fairly well... for those of you who don't know it really well, it’s not medieval or colonial or Victorian, [though it does share some similarities with Victorian it still is a different ball game]
Well my director The Bekanator, does not know time period... or really how to sew... or the impossibilities of sewing like if you’re a crappy seamstress [like myself] you really can’t make up a pattern on the fly, and you really can’t make 7 jackets in under a month... yeah so I had to enlighten her on the matter which made me seem worse than I actually am...

The Bekanator also does not respect me... I haven't the faintest why, I have always been nice to her and respectful... but you know whateverrr
But it just so happens that now she respects me... and it is through being the costume Nazi that it happened:

you see I would find costumes and get them approved and then work on them... pretty soon I had almost the entire cast costumed and all I needed were like 5 costumes [yet for almost being dons with works]
and it was hard to get to this point cut the director The Bekanator didn't approve anything that was time period... and infect told me that she wanted a dress to be more Victorian..... 0.0 WHAAAAAAAT????? To the costume Nazi this was most perplexing and hugely annoying...

well one day when most of the work was done, two ladies whom were supposed to be helping me from the beginning [who had only really been there once or twice before] came complaining of all the work they had done... yeeeeahh and than The Bekanator threw me under the bus criticizing all of the costumes I the costume Nazi had created/got ready, which annoyed me greatly... to the point where I actually got mad... I have not been mad in 6 years till this point...

and just as I had not been mad in 6 years I have never woken up annoyed or upset at someone... well I did and The Bekanator is whom the annoyance was targeted at... so I confronted her, in a polite and mature way... she rolled her eyes at me.... really, would you like to feel the wrath of the Costume Nazi???? ROAR

but I didn't I refrained myself... but later when I was in the costume shop and she came in the shop with me I was rude... like so rude... like oh my goodness I had never in my entire life talked to an adult that way...like of my flippin gosh I can’t believe I’m talking to an adult this way. Rude, which I am not exactly proud of.

but after than point of rudeness, The Bekanator respected me... which makes no sense... and in my time of rudeness I told her that the costume she wanted me to use was the wrong time era when she argued I told her to look it up and if she could present evidence of it being the right time period than I would use it... she than actually did some looking up on the inter-webs and didn't question me, though she still prefers the non-time period stuff better cuz she didn’t really look much up...

And that is how I started getting respected form the Bekanator, which is strange... I suppose that it would happen to me this way cuz I am that awkward....

And now the Costume Nazi is well pleased with the costumes that have been done yay

Costume Nazi Part 1

In recent times [as in right now] I am in charge of costuming my high schools musical "Little Women"

I am a theatre Geek, generally I am an actress, and when I do community theatre I generally get a good role, so when the auditions came up for little women, and I was offered a good role by a community theatre instead of my high school (which never gives me a descent role) I was greatly tempted to accept, however it being my senior year I wanted to do something with my school and I wanted to be all school spirity, thus I decided that I would do the School Musical, but I said I wouldn’t take a crappy role... so I didn’t get casted cuz, well, basically the directors an idiot and while I do love mooost of the cast there are still a few that well... pre-Madonna doesn't even begin cover...

Still I wanted to be involved in theatre I decided to Tech, and I can sew [not very well] but I do posses the skill. So I was like 'Hey I could do costumes :D' but I also decided to do a sport, so now I am in tennis and costuming, it makes me upset when I have to miss tennis which I have done a lot for the stupid costumes :(

But anyway back to the point of this post... you really should not piss off those who are costuming you because,
1-they could let you go naked and wouldn’t feel bad about it at all [trust me there is no guilt]
2- They could do a really bad job so you look like crap while everyone looks fine [teehee] {you can tell costumers favorite most times}
3- They can also kick you out of costume shop and talk to everyone in cast about how annoying you are and tell the story of how mean you were to them, and consequently get the cast mad/unhappy with you [works very well actually]

Even knowing this there are still some very rude people -.- one girl we'll call her "think I know better even though I’m stupid and know nothing" idiot for short.
Well idiot came in and supplied her own costumes which are great cuz that means less work for me yay!
Except than she got all huffy about a different girls costume... really? You’re not even wearing it... okay whatever
Then she asks if anyone here actually knew how to sew.... [Keep in mind I’m pinning some girls dress to take in] ....and than I make the announcement if you’re not trying on or directly involved in costumes you should leave... she didn't take the hint so that I blatantly told her to leave... she still didn't than our school's director came in, I grabbed her arm and told her I was about to rip Idiots hair out make her leave... she did nothing....

ROAR the costume Nazi was very much not pleased

But at least I had respect from the entire cast minus idiot, and the rest of the cast was vastly annoyed with her even though I did not say a word there were enough others in the room that it got around
which makes the costume Nazi pleased.

Soup....

To many people, Soup is something warm and tasty. Comforting and the little extra something that makes one feels better while sick.
However what most people do not realize. What their brains fail at doing.
is noticing the complexities of this "Soup" they gulp down without a second thought.

Though I, maybe it is due to my highly developed sense of what is right, or my super human intelligence, or possibly because I have no life and therefore have time to think of such things....
I realize that in fact, without a shadow of a doubt... that Soup is simply confusing and should not exist.
Now, hear me out, just because I just escaped from the loony bin doesn’t mean I don’t have some sense in me

But really, honestly think... what is soup? Its s liquid... that you eat? How is that possible? It’s like chewing water and calling it food, it just doesn't work.
I mean really, it’s a liquid so you drink it therefore it is not considered a food in my opinion.
Upon realizing my confusion I asked around to see how any of this works..

me- "how do you eat soup??"
person- "with a spoon" [gives me weird look]
me- "but with a spoon you still drink it, just in small mouth full’s but it’s still drinking... so how is that eating?"
person-".......well it has chunks in it that you have to chew..."
me-"your still drinking, there are dinks with things in it like ice, but you still don't consider that a food, do you?"
person- "... your an idiot"

After having several conversations such as these, I realized that everyone had been deeply tricked into thinking that Soup and all of its liquidness was a food..
I often stare at it and try to come up with some logical explanation for it...
But then realize that it is not my failings for coming up with an explanation; it is simply because there is none.

Soup is confusing, and should not exist.
End out story.

Singing Lunch Meats

So, one day this week while I was sitting at home trying to listen to music… the phone rang! Slightly annoyed I went to the phone, checked that caller ID and saw that it was HAM calling me… ham? Ham? As in the Lunch Meat?? Why is a lunch meat calling me? Ooo does this mean that whoever is calling is going to start singing songs to me about lunch??? :D

            Being very excited about this thought, I forgot the initial irritation of having to leave my music and distorted thoughts to answer the phone. I answered with an excited.

‘Hello?’

“hi… Mrs. S?”

‘no sorry, I’m not her’

“oh, so your Brittany?” [Brittany being the name of my older sister…]

He said this excitedly.. so I was a little down hearted thinking that the glorious songs of lunch were no for me…

‘nope, I’m Kim’

And then finding out who I was… started stuttering like a little school boy

“oooo… umm… I I I is yourrrr d da dd dad home?”

‘nope, but my mom should be home around 3:00 3:30’

“oo oo okay, I ii I’m goinnng to t tt talk about life insurance…”

‘ookay. Well you should call then, and they will be home J ‘

“o o o okay, bbb bb byeee”

‘byee’

… Being highly disappointed that there were no songs about lunch or lunch meats like his name had promised, I went back to blasting music.

About 3:00 when I was working on a paper and listening to music HAM called back, still that instant hope of listening to lunch songs I answered the phone immediately picked up :D but my great aspirations were instantly crushed by the dial tones…

This happened a few times then I got noise instead but silence when I said ‘hello?’

Finally, on the 8^th time I answered the phone I got this tinative

“h hhh heellow??”

Being very annoyed and more then frustrated I hung up the phone… not only had he interrupted my thoughts about this paper he did not sing songs about lunch to me…

                                    *later in the evening when I got home*  

HAM was sitting there. In my living room. Right there. I had just walked in from that Wednesdays activity.

            The moment I saw him: brown wavy hair, brown eyes, tall, calm voice, good posture, overall happy look to him, wedding band so married, nervous laugh when we saw me

I was hoping that he would stand and do this little dance and sing about how marvelous lunch really was, “the unappreciated meal” or something

            Much to my chagrin, he did not.

As I sat in the living room, to distracted to read my book, I started imagining all the different songs he could sing to me about lunch

    “LUUUUNCH! The meal between meals!!!” “how yummy in your tummy is a lunch that you can share a bunch” “a good lunch is a happy lunch” “a ham sandwich is the best sandwich”

            I could barely contain the mirth that I had within me thinking about these songs, as he left I told my mother about this… she laughed endlessly… and I think somehow he knew what we were giggling about as he was still on the porch and looked back at us with an embarrassed little awkward smile…

And then a turtle walked by.

intro to ANGST

    I always picture my mind in different ways in some ways I think of my brain as a filing cabinet other times a stage but most of the time it is a maze… a very difficult maze in which I am frequently lost. But don’t worry there are directions! Very obscure directions… that are more than likely going to get you even more lost then you were in the first place… and I figure these directions look kinds like this-

    It’s somewhere between the “raging hormones”, someplace behind the “crazy thoughts” and far beyond the realms of any kind of “thinking” that I possess, that is if you can call it thinking, its defiantly in between the different “drama series” that I am forced to keep up with, and ….ummm… a few more turns a loopy loop a left and then another left at “friend problems”, if you hit “Boys” you’ve gone too far and then if you close your eyes and think really hard, there is a door and above that door is a flashing red sign saying “TEENAGE ANGST” and then there is a brief warning label next to the door about eye level that reads something like ‘Beware of annoyingness’ or ‘Keep Out: may cause craziness and suicidal thoughts’

    And now you have are at the place that I have been visiting most recently! Sorry if the directions were a little confusing or getting you lost somewhere… they get me lost too. But those directions were pretty clear; you should see the set of directions to “Good Ideas” as you can imagine I don’t get those very often.

    But anyway back to that door, which is the whole reason why you are here. You see a few days ago I woke up and thought “hey why’d I wake up” the answer was ‘well my alarm clock went off stupid’ so I rephrased the question to myself to “what was the point for me getting up” and I could not answer that.. There seemed to be no point, no point at all. No point to my insignificant, little girl life. Not a point to school or learning or books or t.v. shows. As I lay in bed for the extra little while before my mom would come in and get after me for not getting up. And thought of everything that had happened to me so far…

   Well most of my friends don’t want to be my friends anymore, no boys like me, I’m not very pretty, no real potential, very little if anything to contribute and I seem to have closed myself off to people… hmm life seems to kinda suck

          Though out the day I sat and thought and… well everything did suck.

I went home that day to cry and cry about my woes the door to that angst was wiiiiide open.

   To distract myself from this angstiness, I decided to play a card game. Solitaire. I haven’t played in a while but I used to be quite good.

I played about 30 hands… I lost every single one of them… probably cuz after hand 2 I was crying so hard I could distinguish that different numbers on the cards….

   I started crying out “I CANT EVEN PLAY CARDS!!! I’M NOT EVEN GOOD AT CARDS THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME!!!” I seemed to have placed all of everything on this computer game… and of course it was at this time that my friend came to the door to pick up his book.. [I had completely forgotten that this was going to happen] he noticed I was crying {not very hard, he would have had to have been blind and deaf not to notice} and asked me what was wrong…

                   Sooo….

I started screaming that I couldn’t even play Solitaire…

He had no idea what I was getting out… feeling slightly foolish I tried to defend myself by trying to explain how even my mind was a failure I mean a maze? What kind of sick demented person had a maze kinda brain? It doesn’t even give good directions… this failed on him too… so I just sat there..

I soon felt better cuz I knew what I was talking about and I was sure that whoever didn’t understand me must have been worse off than me… I then smiled and said [without thinking] “But its okay cuz I’m better off then you, I mean you don’t even understand what I’m saying”

          His reply was with a smile “no I do… your saying that because you can’t play a silly card game on your computer life sucks and there no point, I was merely hoping that, that wasn’t the point to your little break down”

……..well it was…. I can’t do anything right and this just proves it

After realizing he was right… I went quiet and said “I thought so, now go play your game and feel better”

I was so embarrassed I swear there were at least 4 little turtles running around, except turtles don’t really run they kinda wattle its really funny actually,

And I bet you didn’t know that a turtle actually peeed on me once,

          Huh well you just learned something new and so did I the file I have on turtles seems to be randomly place right in front of the “TEENAGE ANGST” door…

And then a turtle walked by

Playing Cards

Unlike most families, who bake each other cookies, or express their love in complements, My family is very threatening...
In playing games, most families, "normal" families, Laugh, carryon and encourage each other when someone has made a good move...
MY family on the other hand, is loud, shouting, often threatening the life of the person who is winning, laugh and bring up little, generally retarded jokes that honestly make no sense, but cause cascades of laughter, howling, crying, and the beating of heads on the table.

Quite recently when my sister and brother in law were visiting we played the ultimate game in my house hold. The game that strikes fear into others, unknowing hearts, when played by us. But is the game that we all crave to play..PHILADELPHIA RUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                        This game includes 5 hands of torture and about 29 good 'healthy' guilt trips
as we were playing, my sister started telling a story... I cannot recall the actual story but it ends up where we are all going "gaaaaaauhhhhhhhhh" like those long necked creatures from the Black Crystal.... all of us creating a harmony with our "gaaaauhhhhhhh" I realized at that point that my family was both very strange [as if i didn't realize that before] but also that we were fairly musical, all blending together like that.... hmmm we could be that strangely musical family! Though I doubted that my brother or father would go for that...
    And after that thought had been shared with the evil older sister, it caused much more laughter

Now my brother in law, Tyler, has decided that I am a "cheater" and so whenever it was my turn or I was talking bout the game, he'd shout "its cuz you R A CHEEEEATERRRR" and I would retaliate and then the rest of them [that family of mine] would join in... And sitting across from my brother, he grabbed my leg with his and proceeded to pull me under the table... As I began to flail around trying to escape the fate of Under the Table.
          My sister, that traitor, helped the process; it was only by sheer will power that kept me from Under the Table.
And as the night progresses, my family began to revert to the usual jokes, [in which I am generally the punch line…] and the normal death threats of  “we’d better take a picture of your face so you remember what it looks like =P ” and the “OH IF YOU GO DOWN!!!!!”

And after the various squabbles and the game was finish we went left the room and watched some show and from there continued to make fun of me…
And just like that, a turtle walked by